When Dolphins Sleep, It's Only With Half Their Brain

Ethan does not talk yet. He does, however, babble constantly and with great animation. I have maintained for some time now that he speaks fluent Baby but we are not evolved enough to understand.   Baby - or as we pronounce it, Bebe - sounds like English, Hebrew and Arabic are duking it out for control of Ethan's vocal cords. Crisp, clear words like YEAH clash with HA-YEAH, where the HA is hacked up straight from the back of the throat like the Cutest Rabbi.

The following is an incomplete list of the verbal utterances that Ethan currently utters. They are presented to you entirely in caps because they are often shouted.

YEAH, and variants
Ethan says YEAH and OH YEAH and YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. We don't know where he picked this up from, although it might have something to do with my practice sessions with Hello, my Yello cover band. (I just made a great reference.)

QUACKMMMMMM
This is the sound that a DuckCow makes. We have a book that has a cow and a duck on the same page and we got in the habit of doing the sounds for a duck followed by the sound for a cow, so now Ethan thinks that ducks say QuackMMMMM. It will be some years before I can tell Ethan the truth that we all know, that ducks are laughing condescendingly at us at all times, those malicious mallards.

DADA
This means: One of several dolls, any bearded man in real life or on television, 'I'm pleased!', 'I'm shouting DADA!' or Ethan's favorite 20th century art movement.

A DA!
Again! Things that are worthy of an A DA! are usually worthy of at least ten A DA!s. This plaudit was recently awarded to Sara's 'Flaily Flaily Flail!!!' which involves saying 'Flaily Flaily Flail!!' to Ethan, whilst flailing. Ethan finds this so funny that it's not enough to laugh, he also has to careen himself around his crib and stick his bottom in the air. This is probably why you've been seeing CIMMCSMBITA (Careening In My Metaphorical Crib Sticking My Butt In The Air) on your America Online chats lately.


DOUGH!
This is Ethan's way of saying no. Ethan uses this mostly in context but in two contrasting ways.
1) Ethan will use this to express his displeasure at something, such as being changed, being put into his pram, being taken out of his pram, being put into his car seat, being taken out of his car seat, being carried, being put down, being put to bed, being taken out of bed, being given a stuffed animal, having a stuffed animal taken away, having a coat put on, having a coat taken off, having shoes put on, having shoes taken off, or being presented with food that he likes most of the time but not this time because who knows maybe we are conspiring to poison him because we've finally found a market for human veal.
2) Ethan will say this for us to save us time when he's done something he knows we don't like. Case in point - the two cabinets in what is called The Morning Room. Given that the sun comes up on the other side of the house, this room should more accurately be called The Room Where We Eat In A Poorly-Lit Alcove Some Of The Time And Where There Are Many Trinkets (Especially Thimbles) And Also Where Laundry Hangs From Wooden Beams In The Ceiling And Also Where Christmas Decorations Are Stored And Also Where Some Mail Has Been Bunched Up For A Long Time And Should Probably Be Examined In Case It Is Important And Also Where There Is A Photograph Of A Bunny (Hare?) In A Field That Is Looking At You With A Disconcerting Level of Agression and Also Where Opposite That Photograph Is Another Photograph of Two Tiny Birds At The End Of A Branch Where The One Bird Which Either Has Red Plumage On Its Head Or Has Been Scalped (I Doubt This Happens In Birdlandia Which Is Where All Birds Think They Live) Is Puffed Up And Ready To Fight This Other Bird Who Looks Like He Just Wanted To Hang Out On A Branch For Like Two Seconds, GEEZ. Within both of these unsecured cabinets is glassware intended for fine spirits and wine. These glasses are pretty, but they appear to be made with great fragility, to the point where I believe if you poured out your fine spirit from more than 5 inches, the glass would shatter into sparkly, lung-lacerating dust. We have told Ethan approaching 8,000 times 'No' when he approaches these cabinets. Ethan now considers this part of the process of opening these cabinets. He opens, says DOUGH, and grins at us with great cheek.
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Regarding Ethan's sleep habits:

The day after I posted my tirade against Ethan's waking habits, Ethan really went for it and woke up at 3am. I don't know if you know this, but no one is awake at 3am. People on the night shift? Sleeping. By 4am, they're awake. I guess I'm saying, don't have surgery at 3am. Have it at 4am. Ethan is not aware of this rule. He got up for the day at 3am. He made sure everyone in the house knew it which I felt incredibly guilty about. Do you even know how much I hate waking people up? It's the worst. I'd rather be caught stealing your underwear with my face than wake you up. So here's this uncontrollable human klaxon, evolutionarily designed to have a voice that cuts through walls and doors like so many shrill sledgehammers, waking absolutely everyone up. Waking them up So Hard!

I said to myself, this is the pattern. He slept until 7. Then 5. Now 3. Will it be 1am next?

YES IT WAS. 1 goddamn 30 in the goddamn next morning. This time, I SHUSHed him successfully. But this could continue. Will Ethan evolve out of sleep? Will it be 11, then 9, then when we put him down to bed at 7 will he immediately spring back to life at 7:01, demanding milk and playtime? Will he enter Dolphin Sleep?!